


RE:PAIR

by kuill



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Bad Ending, Bittersweet, Implied Relationships, M/M, Post Season 1, Season 1 Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-22
Updated: 2016-12-22
Packaged: 2018-09-11 04:36:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 14
Words: 5,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8953876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kuill/pseuds/kuill
Summary: Keith always held him softly, even when it seemed like there was nothing left to hold.But there's only so much repair can do, and that's something Shiro and Keith will have to find out for themselves.-Shiro is broken. Keith tries to fix him with all the tools and equipment he has. A post Season 1 fic.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> started off as a drabble, which is a great way to spend time procrastinating. then it evolved, which is a great way to hurt yourself. then got polished and now it's here, which is a great way to hurt everyone else.
> 
> come scream at me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/k_uill) i'd love to suffer with u over the big robot lion man

The boy reached out to hold him. His fingers shook. "Shiro,” he said, the word nothing but air.

The raven haired boy took a second to pull himself together, then twined their fingers frantically together. There was a smudge of oil on his thumb.

"I love you, oh god, I’m so, so glad you’re here. I just couldn’t… I couldn’t lose you again…” said the boy, and for some reason he sounded relieved beyond measure.

The boy’s eyes were watery. His smile was electric, even though it was weighed down with something far too heavy for him to bear.


	2. Chapter 2

Keith always held him softly. Keith was checking the seams along Shiro’s metal arm, making sure the plates had melded together correctly. He left nothing to chance, not even the sharp edge where metal gave way to flesh. 

"Keith," said Shiro, as Keith returned the last file to the box of tools. Shiro held up his hand, the metal one, and waited.

Keith's adam's apple bobbed. His gaze was steady through those mussed raven locks, overshadowed by something Shiro couldn't figure out the shape of.

They twined their fingers together. Keith's were slightly callused in places.

"I love you," said Shiro.

A few beats passed, then Keith said, "I love you too.”

Shiro smiled. Keith reciprocated, even if it failed to reach the edges of his eyes. Then he turned back to his tools with a rigour that had not been there before.


	3. Chapter 3

Keith always held him softly. Keith had a reassuring hand resting on his metal prosthetic.

"Keith," said Shiro, but Keith didn't hear because the door was opening with a hiss.

Hunk and Pidge were in the doorway. Pidge stepped in first, and though Keith's grip didn't tighten, the rest of his body did. She glanced nervously at Shiro. "Come on, Keith. You need to eat."

"I've eaten." Keith used the small screwdriver in his other hand to gesture at a plate crusted with remnants of green ooze.

"That's yesterday's dinner," protested Hunk, not edging out from behind Pidge, "And you didn't even take much juru seed soup. Thats your favourite."

"I’m not hungry," said Keith. Now his grip grew tight.

Pidge's amber eyes swept the room and her frown deepened. "This is getting out of hand, Keith. At least come out and hang around with us for a while."

From behind her, Hunk said, "And you're worrying Allura."

"I'll come eat in a tic."

"She's been fretting all day now,” Hunk gestured at the time on the computer monitor. “And she said she'll personally come in here to tell you off if you don’t—"

"I said I'll come eat!"

Hunk slid back behind Pidge, whose frown had slackened from the surprise. The two shared a glance. Keith still wasn't looking at them.

"Well, make sure you actually come and not, like, scavenge around for the leftovers in the pantry," was Hunk's final say on the matter before they left.

Keith pressed his head against Shiro's arm, letting out a shuddering exhale.

Shiro reached over to squeeze Keith's thigh with his left hand.

"Keith?"

Keith stiffened again, trying not to recoil at the touch. He gave a strange, breathy laugh.

"Shiro," said Keith, twining their hands together. "I love you."

It felt out of shape, too well-used, run dry, a once-favorite shirt worn and washed and wrung out so many times that the colours had faded away.

Shiro smiled anyway, said "I love you too", and meant it.


	4. Chapter 4

Keith always held him softly. Even the tiny screws that held him together, Keith held those softly, too. He polished every last one, rubbing patiently between the tiny grooves with his old black V-neck before reinserting them carefully into the notches where they belonged.

Countless other screws lay scattered around on the floor, like metal stars. Shiro traced constellations in them.

Keith set his screwdriver aside, the last of the screws refitted.

“Keith,” said Shiro, looking up from a warped constellation of Andromedas.

Keith reached up to run fingers through the white curl of Shiro’s fringe. Shiro tilted his head to let him.

“Shiro,” said Keith, with a lost expression so vast and deep and wide, nebulae of could-be that glittered just beyond the looking-glass. They reminded Shiro of deep space, where galaxies waited, and where truths waited to be found if you paid a hefty price.

“What were you looking at?” Asked Keith quietly.

“Andromedas,” replied Shiro. “Not my favourite, but still beautiful.”

Keith’s gaze flicked to the desk. “Yes,” he said after a beat. “Tomorrow we’ll look at more.”

Shiro smiled. Keith pulled away.

Keith returned to the computer beeping patiently for his return. Before he touched the mouse, he glanced over his shoulder and smiled and it was beautiful, just like the constellations made from unblinking stars of steel screws.

“I love you,” he said.

Shiro smiled. “I love you too.”


	5. Chapter 5

Keith always held him softly. Keith had been done with refurbishments for a while now, and was running those slender fingers along the joints. Keith lost himself in the slow, absentminded movements, mind an entire world away.

From the present, Shiro watched him.

The door to his room hissed open. Lance was in the doorway, armed with a formidable scowl.

Keith’s grip turned vice-like.

Worried, Shiro murmured against his ear, “Keith?”

Keith tried unsuccessfully to rein in his anger as Lance began his barrage. “Okay, Keith my man, this is getting ridiculous. But since nobody else can do it I guess it’s alright to rely on the shining knight of Voltron. But I’m not for unlimited use, y’know? And I was saving it for Allura, the princess—”

"Get out," growled Keith.

"— of Arus, rather than spending it on you and your r-"

"Lance, get out!"

"Hey, don’t give me that, we're all worried about you, okay?" snapped Lance, all niceties gone, "Ever since the Galra attack you've been holing yourself up in here with all these pipes and wires and the  _ entire _ castle's medical supply, and Coran says we'll have to restock—"

"It's not your problem."

"It is! It’s my problem too!" Lance stalked over, an accusing finger raised. His sleeve rode back and revealed a bandaged wrist. "Listen, we were  _ all _ screwed up from the attack. We're all part of a big lion robot man. The rest of the universe needs us, okay, Keith?"

Keith closed his eyes and ground out, "It's not that. You wouldn't understand."

Lance glared, then glared at the computer screen, its endless code, the books of constellations, a tattered instruction manual embossed with black and orange.

"I think I do," said Lance after a long silence. "We barely got you out of there. We don't want to lose you. _I_ don't want to lose you. We've already lost Sh—"

Keith lunged and Lance let out a yelp of fright as they crashed to the ground. Keith drove a knee into lance's midriff, landing the first punch to his cheek then the second a split second after, his entire body weight behind every blow.

Lance tried to shove him off, panicked. "Keith!"

"Don't say that!" Keith screamed, gripping Lance's shoulders and slamming him into the ground to punctuate his words. "Don't! You _dare!_ Say that!"

Lance coughed out, "Keith, god, I’m sorry! I'll stop!"

Keith paused, one of his fists raised for another brutal swing.

"I’m s-sorry," said Lance shakily, both hands raised. "I-I'll leave you alone now."

Keith scrambled off him as if burned. He looked horrified. Lance got up unsteadily, a dirty bruise already forming around a split lip.

They looked at Shiro.

"Oh, he doesn't know," whispered Lance. His voice was thick. "He doesn’t know, does he?"

"I gotta get back to work." Keith said expressionlessly. He rummaged in one of the drawers and tossed lance a pack of medicine. 

Lance fumbled to catch it, then gave Shiro a long, wordless stare. Shiro stared back uncomprehendingly.

"We all miss you, buddy," said Lance.

Keith slammed his screwdriver onto the table. Lance jumped.

"Please. P-Please just get out."

Lance swallowed a mouthful of blood and another retort, then carefully left the room and the door closed behind him.

Keith bent to pick up the black and orange instruction manual that had fallen in the scuffle where a stray kick had shaken the desk.

"Keith?" asked Shiro, slightly afraid.

The booklet came apart in Keith's hands, and Keith dropped it so he could press the balls of his palms into his eyes.

"Keith?" asked Shiro again.

"Shiro," Keith's voice broke. "I love you. I love you so much."

Shiro nodded and listened.

"I love you so, so much, Shiro, for so long. When you… I was so, I…" Keith unclenched his fists with effort, and Shiro opened his arms to embrace him.

"I love you too."

Keith hesitated, but slotted himself against Shiro anyway and didn’t move for a long while.


	6. Chapter 6

Keith always held him softly. He was replacing the old plates with a new material now, one that was lighter, smoother. Shiro’s arm was now porcelain white, rimmed with meteor black, and pulsed Altean blue when summoned.

Keith sat at the desk to inspect his handiwork, reaching over for some of the pink crisps left in his food bowl. Between thoughtful chews he nodded in satisfaction as Shiro raised his arm, flexed, wriggled each finger in turn.

"Looking good, Shiro," he smiled. "Always thought blue suited you better than purple."

Shiro nodded.

"See? I know what I’m doing. Allura said it might not be a good idea, but it turned out just fine. This wasn’t a bad idea at all." 

Shiro tilted his head.

“You know.” Keith gestured at Shiro’s arm, then at all of him. “That.”

Shiro inspected his arm.

“Never mind.” Keith popped the last crisp into his mouth and came over, and Shiro pulled him close, breathing into his hair. “Anyway, it’s already done. So I don’t care.”

“Mm.” Shiro smiled as Keith wriggled in his arms, then pressed their foreheads together.

Keith’s eyes were backlit by the heat of triumph. “I love you,” he said, voice soft, shapeless.

A dry callused hand cupped Shiro’s cheek.

“I love you too,” said Shiro gently, cradling the word as if it was the most precious thing in his waking memory.

Keith ran fingers appreciatively down the glowing cyan seam on Shiro’s prosthetic arm.

 


	7. Chapter 7

Keith always held Shiro softly. He had dragged over a module from the desk and was leaning against Shiro’s shoulder as he typed away on the panel. One of Shiro’s hands, the human one, was resting comfortably on Keith’s thigh. Shiro was content to simply enjoy the warmth and let the tics pass.

The door opened, and Keith instinctively slammed the module shut. The lines of code disappeared and revealed Allura and Pidge standing in the doorway.

Allura was holding a tray of food, and Pidge was tugging in a repurposed food cart sagging under the weight of her own machinery.

“Guys?” Asked Keith, bewildered.

“You!” Allura she stormed up to Keith, who threw up his hands in a fighting stance but was only faced with the tray and a bowl of some yellow paste floating in brown stew. The food smelled like nothing Shiro had eaten before. “Stop making me fret! Eat!”

“Allura has been losing a lot of beauty sleep,” Pidge drawled, helping herself to one of the power sockets. Her computer whirred to life.

Allura gave Pidge a dirty look, then shoved the tray at Keith. She jabbed a spoon his way. “Either way, I have had enough on my plate, and as Princess of Altea I command you to finish every last morsel —”

“Mm, cranky,” said Pidge.

“— and I will watch you scrape the bowl clean. Or  _ else,” _ said Allura.

Keith wilted and accepted the spoon with a gingerness reserved for exploding things. Allura set the tray on Keith’s lap, then parked her hands on her hips, and glared until Keith began shovelling the food into his mouth.

“I even had Coran go out of the way to obtain some Juru seeds,” she scolded. Keith was too busy stuffing himself to reply. “Honestly.”

Keith balked when Pidge deposited herself at his desk, only managing a garbled rush of syllables around his mouthful of food.

Pidge looked offended. “What do you mean, ‘What am I doing?’ Obviously, I’m helping you with your dismal coding. Look, I practically programmed my dog into a robot triangle. Easy.” She clapped a hand over her heart, wriggling her eyebrows at Shiro. “So relax. I got this.”

Keith only stared, dumbfounded, as Pidge began scrolling through the code and muttering about unwrapped tails.

Allura pulled up a chair and settled in front of Shiro. “Shiro?” She asked with slight hesitance.

“Allura,” he greeted.

She glanced at Keith, who nodded.

Allura gave him a smile that lit the corners of her eyes. They fractured the light in such an odd way, cobalts into magentas, cottoncandy into flavoured energy drinks. “Well, Shiro… I guess I just wanted to talk and get to know you.”

“I’ll need to reboot soon,” called Pidge, not taking her eyes off the screen. With one last squeeze to Shiro’s hand, Keith wandered over to watch her.

Allura glanced their way, then took the spot where Keith had been sitting. She leaned close, and the prosthetic responded to her touch.

“How do you do it?”

Her smile was bitter.

“You never told anyone, and I never got the chance to ask, but Pidge told me about the prisoners, and… Oh, Shiro. It must’ve been… so  _ painful, _ watching your friends die alone and not being able to protect them.”

Those eyes were pink and blue, without any trace of a leader. Just a small, scared little girl burdened with things she shouldn’t have seen but did.

Pidge cracked her knuckles. “Right. Reboot in twenty seconds. Time to get my game on. Keith, fetch me some of Coran’s power drink things.”

“I’m not your… drink fetcher,” grumbled Keith, but cast a reassuring look at Shiro before leaving.

A hurried whisper of  _ I love you _ ached to fall from Shiro’s lips.

Allura drew a breath, then moved to stand in front of him. She drew soothing circles in his left shoulder with her hand. 

“You were always too great for all of us,” said Allura. Her touch was so warm. “I saved you once. I’m sorry I couldn’t do it again.”


	8. Chapter 8

Keith always held him softly. Every touch was so light, as though it might break him. Keith was drawing lines across his back with his thumb. The movements were fickle, sometimes long and others resting at single points without shifting, but always intersecting each other, like a beautiful constellation.

This time, Keith wasn’t alone. Hunk was also watching, finishing off the remainder of the food Keith couldn’t down.

“Why didn’t you?” Hunk was asking around a forkful of boiled roots. He slurped them up like noodles. “I mean, he was in that cryopod for months. And the castle has the supplies to reform it all.”

The wandering hands slowed.

“I… don’t know why I didn’t,” Keith said with a heavy sigh. “I should’ve, so I won’t need to explain when he asks about it.”

Hunk lowered the spoon. “… Keith? What do you mean  _ when _ he asks about it?”

“I’m not restoring that part of his memory,” said Keith curtly. He got up and walked over to the computer.

Hunk drew breath to retort, but then decided to keep his misgivings to himself. “Sooo,” he began instead, trying to keep his voice light, “You looked into his brain? Like a first-person perspective? Did you see through his eyes, or was it like watching him walk around rooms and stuff?”

“No. I estimated.” Keith dropped himself onto the chair and rubbed his eyes. “Years, days. Minutes, hours. Leap days, leap seconds… everything. I hope I counted correctly. But there’s a chance I may have got it wrong.”

“So what  _ does _ he remember?”

“Not sure.” Keith looked down. “There’s a chance I erased the Kerberos launch, too. I got Pidge to recode the stuff that  _ we _ experienced, as Voltron. But I’m not sure whether it worked.”

Hunk scratched his head, looking uncomfortable.

“So… he never made it onto the Kerberos team?”

“Yeah.”

Hunk gave Shiro a long, tired look. There was no way to tell, because it was his first time, but it was a look of immense sadness and pity. “Oh, man. That sucks. He was so excited about it. Just about everyone knew about his little freak-out in the recreation lounge when the postings were out. Probably the happiest moment of his life… Poor guy.”

“I took away the biggest pain he’s been through,” said Keith harshly. “He doesn’t need to remember it again when he’s back.”

“I don’t know, man. Even though it was rough, I think it made Shiro…  _ Shiro, _ you know? Like—”

Keith took a deep breath, and Hunk took his cue to fall silent.

“No. The one who doesn’t know is  _ you.” _ On the desk, Keith’s hand clenched white. “You weren’t there at night when he woke up with those nightmares. And he never even  _ told _ me what he dreamed of. He was always so shaken by the end. He… he begged. And screamed. And…  _ God, _ he was always  _ crying, _ Hunk! And he—”

“I’m,” Hunk interrupted, and Keith swallowed uncomfortably. “I’m sorry.”

“I’ve said too much.” Keith tugged at his hair. “Ugh.”

“You need sleep, Keith.” Hunk said, not unkindly.

“No sleep until the reboot.”

Hunk picked up the tray. “I’ll just go return this, and I’ll be back with more energy drink. I think Lance helped make some of the new batch, too.”

“Thanks.”

The door hissed open, then closed. Keith stared at Shiro from over at his desk.

“I love you too much,” Keith said.

Shiro turned the information over in his mind.

The struggle must have shown on his face, because Keith then offered, “Still love me?

“Always will,” said Shiro.

Keith allowed himself a smile. “Of course.”


	9. Chapter 9

Keith always held him softly. His arm was wrapped around Shiro’s waist, and Shiro’s own draped across Keith’s shoulders for support.

The world tilted.

“Keith,” Shiro hissed.

Keith crooked his arm, pulling some of Shiro’s weight over. “Shiro, come on! Stand up, you big brute.”

“I’ll compensate,” said Pidge. She glared at her module, fingers moving effortlessly over the panels.

The world trembled, strained, then stopped listing.

With a hiss, the door slid open. Lance strode through and made an insulted sound, coming over to Shiro’s other side. “Oh! No, no no no, you’re not getting him to walk without me.”

“He’s  _ my _ boyfriend!” Grumbled Keith.

A hand tried to wriggle between Keith’s arm and Shiro’s back.

“Hey!” Keith leaned back and growled. “Quit it!”

“Oh, getting possessive now, are we?”

“Seriously,” called Pidge. She looked conflicted, torn between laughing and reprimanding them.

“You’re trying to put your hand down my boyfriend’s pants.” Keith’s voice hardened. “Don’t make me punch you.”

“As if you could right now! You’re holding on to Shiro, and you can’t let go.” The fingers got some purchase, trying to slip closer. “I’m just trying to make him more secure, alright? Your elbows are gonna slice my arm up!”

They were bickering behind him now, and Shiro faintly felt something begin to reconnect.

Pidge was smothering an ugly laugh behind both of her hands. It was clear she had made her choice. “You guys are idiots.”

“Have you even touched my elbows before, Lance? They can’t even cut, like… soft… pillows, let alone you!”

“I am tender and huggable  _ exactly _ like a pillow, or even softer! A pillow softer than a pillow!”

“Guys,” said Shiro.

“Oh yeah? Prove it!”

“You want me to hug you? Keith?”

“Wait, I—”

“Ew, really, Keith? Girls would pay to get some of this!” Lance stuck a leg out for a pose. “Collateral or nothing.”

The ground shifted.

“Oh no,” said Shiro.

Balance askew, they crashed down on each other with the two other Paladins tangled in his prosthetic legs to cries of, “This is your fault!”

“Oh god, we always have to walk into the worst situations. If this happens one more time, I  _ swear _ I am going to lose my mind.” It was Hunk bearing a tray of food and Allura in his wake. They were standing in the infirmary doorway, and Allura’s face was twisted in barely concealed laughter. “So Coran and I managed to get some Kultopo root and we had to engage in a dance-off with a Paopo desert lizard for it, which was actually really fun, but still I’d like that we don’t come back to—”

Shiro cleared his throat.

The effect was instantaneous. 

The heavy authority of the sound had Keith and Lance scrambling to put some safe distance between them with haste  _ and _ something like the admiration reserved for the senior officers in the Garrison. Everyone, Allura included, was staring at him as if he was a walking, talking statue.

“S… Shiro?” Keith stepped forward first. “You’re… angry.”

“Of course.” He folded his arms and scowled. “What happens if you two broke my legs? I will be making sure the both of you stay back for double duty.”

There was a loud gasp that echoed in the small room. The food was put down, and the console returned to its charging station, and they were all clamouring to press against him, laughing and hugging and yelling incoherently.

Shiro grinned and did his best to give everyone reassuring pats, though with how fast they were squirming, some must’ve gotten four instead of three.

“Guys,” he laughed, “Don’t suffocate me. I still have a human torso, I need to breathe.”

They untangled unwillingly from him, but Keith refused to shift away from the prime location: nestled against Shiro’s shoulder.

“And as for the two Paladins squabbling over trying to grope my ass,” Shiro continued, and the two in question visibly stiffened, “It’s metal now. I don’t see what the deal is. Are you two into that stuff?”

Pidge let out a sarcastic, “Oooh,” and Allura covered her face.

Keith and Lance glared. “No,” they said at the same time, Keith with distaste and Lance with horror.

And then, “Shiro!” A crash from the infirmary doorway. Coran was standing there, pale as the walls of the Castle, “Why are you into metal asses?”

Pidge let out a louder  _ “Ooooohh” _ and Shiro was only just faintly aware of Keith laughing so hard that tears were soaking into his vest, leaving a soft warm spot over his heart.


	10. Chapter 10

Keith held him gently. He was shivering and shaking, and he was certain he had been begging for it all to end. He didn’t remember what happened, just that everything was  _ painful, _ and everything should’ve been purple, but it was blue now.

“Shiro,” murmured Keith brokenly into his sweaty hair. They were in one of the wider beds, and Keith had kicked away the sheets to give Shiro more room.

“Keith,” whispered Shiro. “What… what was that?”

“I’m so sorry,” said Keith, over and over for some inexplicable reason. Shiro wanted to ask but knew that he shouldn’t — it was one of those things where the answer demanded too high a cost, not only to him, but to the one giving the reply.

They just lay there in the half-darkness, in the glow of Keith’s bayard, and just knowing that Keith could and would jump up to protect him calmed him down like nothing else did.

“Hey,” said Keith suddenly, “Why don’t I tell you a story.”

“What?”

Keith fidgeted. “I… I want to know what you think about it.”

“Sure, I guess.” Shiro pressed his nose into Keith’s shoulder and tried to relax, to lose himself in the familiar rhythms of Keith’s voice.

“So, uh…” Keith hesitated a long while, but eventually continued, “So there’s this race of aliens. Evil aliens.”

“Evil aliens,” said Shiro.

“Yes,” glared Keith. “Look, are you telling the story or am I?”

“I could think of five synonyms for evil.”

Keith’s glare intensified. “You asked for the dictionary, and I—”

“Wait, no, fifty synonyms.”

Keith hit his shoulder. “You’re supposed to be recovering from a panic attack nightmare! Let me take care of you!”

“Looks like my body just doesn’t want to let go of the past, huh,” grinned Shiro weakly. “Ow, alright, alright. Please continue with the malevolent space dwellers.”

“Evil aliens,” corrected Keith. “So they came over to the edge of the solar system. And they landed on one of the moons of our neighbour dwarf planet, Pluto.”

“Dwarf…?” Shiro was confused.

“Outdated database,” said Keith. Shiro nodded understandingly. “So this planet is tiny, but they find it anyway, and they capture three humans who were there exploring new frontiers.”

“Oh,” said Shiro, because he had nothing else to say.

“Yeah.” Keith’s voice grew heavier as he spoke. “They captured these humans, and tortured them. They did really, really bad things to them. Nobody really knows what they did, except that it was horrifying enough to scar these humans for life.”

Shiro thought about the scars on his own human body, but said nothing.

“And then they… they made the humans fight.”

“Humans can’t fight!” Exclaimed Shiro. “We are the least able-bodied space-dwelling organism in the universe.”

“Exactly,” smiled Keith sadly. “One of them had to attack his own friends, and then because he had been so determined to fight — he even scavenged himself a sword, somehow — because he had been so desperate to live, the aliens singled him out. And they did horrible, horrible things to his body and to his mind.”

Shiro waited for the fear and panic to come, but it did not. He didn’t know if he wanted it to come at all.

“He made it back eventually. Back to earth.”

“Back to you,” said Shiro.

“Yes,” said Keith without thinking, followed by an, “Oh.”

“It was relevant. An informed guess.” Shiro closed his eyes and wondered how it was like, being held under alien captivity and forced to kill his friends.

Keith’s arms tightened around him. “I’m sorry,” he said in a very small voice.

“Do… do you regret bringing me back?” He asked, sounding equally tired. “You always seem to be elsewhere. Like you’re always worrying about something. I’m… I’m not sure if you used to be like that in the past.”

Keith gave a strained bark of laughter. “Guess you caught me. I get so obsessed wanting to know if you feel and think just like  _ him _ and I just… forget that you’re here.”

_ Him. _

“Let’s go take a walk,” said Shiro.

Keith nodded.

Keith always held him gently, though it felt even more gentle as they sat in the observatory of the Lion Castle, fingers intertwined, bathed by nothing but the light of a distant galaxy.

“What’s that one called?” Keith was pointing to a set of stars glimmering in the distance.

“I don’t know,” said Shiro. “It’s not programmed yet.”

“There are too many stars for me to program,” groaned Keith, flopping dramatically into Shiro’s lap in protest. “Must I really get to all of them?”

“Well,” said Shiro.

Keith turned to grumble into Shiro’s thigh, and Shiro squirmed.

“Guess the answer is yes, huh?” He grinned, running fingers through Keith’s hair. Keith blew a raspberry against the prosthetic in retaliation and the circuits lit. “Hey, what did I do?”

“I should’ve removed your addiction to star names while I had the chance.”

“Too late,” snickered Shiro, although they both knew Keith could easily do it with a single reboot.

Shiro shuffled downwards so they both lay there amongst stars beyond the looking glass, counting the glowing lights that extended into infinity.

“Do you ever regret that I brought you back?” Asked Keith suddenly. “I mean, the nightmare. And I lost the data about your time before the Garrison. There was just too much damage, and you might never know what mac’n’cheese tastes like again, or how swimming in the ocean felt like, or your first kiss.” He flushed. “And, and I—”

Shiro rolled over and carefully fit their lips together.  Keith made a startled, weak sound.

It might not have been his first kiss, but it certainly was one of those. It was chapped and a kiss with too much teeth, one that was lost in the most beautiful nebulae he had ever seen while past that, unknown galaxies burned on and on.


	11. Chapter 11

Shiro held Keith gently.

“Keith…”

“I didnt know I miscounted. If I knew I was going to… erase th…” Keith shuddered and the warm patch on his chest grew. “Shiro. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” said Shiro quietly.

“It  _ is _ my fault. I… I didn’t mean to, I…” Keith choked back a sob. “I just…”

Shiro hushed him and pulled him closer, giving a minute shake of his head to Pidge who was passing by. Pidge scampered away without hesitation.

“I just… I wanted you to forget your pain, not so much the stuff…  _ before _ …”

“Hey,” Shiro kissed away the tears. “Just because I can’t remember you doesn’t make you any less real to me.”

Keith’s breath hitched.

“I love you,” said Shiro, “Even without memory of the garrison. I don’t need to remember any of that. We don’t need any of that,  because we have the rest of our lives ahead of us. Does the past make our love any less real?”

Keith clutched tighter onto Shiro’s dark vest.

“I love you,” offered Shiro again.

Keith let out a long, broken sound. “Of course you do. Of course.”


	12. Chapter 12

He held Keith gently. Keith was scrolling through the module. His eyes were still rimmed red.

“Here.” Keith pointed out a string of Altean code.

Shiro could not read them. “What… What is it?”

“That’s _I love you_ in Altean.” He pointed a few lines down. “And that’s _I love you too.”_

Shiro’s brow knitted. “Keith, what are you—”

“And here, this reads _Shirogane Takashi. Shiro. Takashi. Black Paladin. Head of Voltron. Captain._ And here’s _Keith. Kogane. Red paladin—”_

“Keith, what are you trying to tell me?”

“You’re just a robot, Shiro. You're... not him. Just the parts we know. You're what we _want_ you to be.” Keith lowered the module and refused to meet his eyes.

“But I’m Shiro! He’s exactly who I am!” said Shiro. His pulse was picking up. “It doesn’t make me _not Shiro._ Because I _am_ Shiro. I still care about my Team Voltron. I care about the universe. I know I like mac n cheese even without tasting it. I know I like the stars, and—”

“Shiro, please don't make this worse—”

“And I still love you, Keith,” he gripped Keith’s hand tight and held on. “You can’t just take it all away from me.”

“Fine.” Keith took a deep, steadying breath and squared his shoulders. “If you had to save the universe or save me, which would you pick?”

Shiro made the decision instantly.


	13. Chapter 13

“I’m deleting his code,” Keith told allura.

Allura lowered her mug. “... Keith?”

“He’s not Shiro.” Keith closed his eyes. Yes, the space in his chest was still there, stronger than ever before. “He was the Shiro I wished we had. He was the Shiro who would’ve saved me, and let the universe die. He wasn't the Shiro we lost.”

The tears were coming now. They were years overdue.

“Sometimes,” he said, choosing his words very carefully, because it felt like an eulogy and a love confession at once and he wanted to get it right, “Sometimes I only loved the part of him that treasured me most. I hated the part of him that said his duty was to… humanity, or to the Garrison, or to Team Voltron or whatever.”

Allura reached over and squeezed his hand, no doubt thinking about her father because of the lost little girl expression that flickered behind her unshakable strength.

“Those times you wish they had less room in their hearts,” she said, “but you loved them for what they loved, too.”

Keith nodded, dashing the back of his hand across his eyes.

“Is it time to let him sleep?” asked Allura, voice gentle.

“Yeah,” he gasped. “Oh god, Allura, what have I done? I  _ destroyed _ him.”

Allura only held his hand tighter and let him cry, and held on even when he thought he could weep no more.


	14. Chapter 14

Keith always held Shiro gently. 

The bait was a book of constellations from Allura’s personal library. And now they had him: Shiro lay on his bed, eyes open but not registering anything. There was no brain activity, just the stately march of his pulse filling the room. He didn’t respond when Keith cupped his cheek.

Keith remembered holding Shiro’s broken, bleeding body just like this after dragging it from the mauled remains of Lion metal. The Lion could be repaired.

Shiro, apparently, could too, though he had already been lost long ago.

The paladins had already said their goodbyes to the strange cyborg man they were so willing to accept, twice, as leader. Now Keith leaned over to brush one kiss against the snowy locks of Shiro’s hair, then once over the scar that had changed everything irreversibly, then once on the fourth finger of his right hand for a beautiful gilded future lost to the cruel demands of servitude, duty, and love.

“I love you,” said Keith.

He reached over, hovering a finger over the innocuous button that would end it all.

“I miss you,” said Keith, then glanced at the Paladins surrounding the bed and added, “We all do. Goodbye, Takashi.”

They watched those eyelids droop, though the beats of his heart continued to march for a long while yet. It was the last scraps of his human body fighting on — just as it had always been — so desperate to remain alive for just a little while more. 


End file.
